Enjoying a rut.

That time of life when you are disturbed, maybe things aren’t falling into place as often as you want them to, things are too volatile, you feel the urge to step on the throttle, yet nothing works because there isn’t a clear direction.
That’s when you do a lot of introspection, a bunch of soul searching and you also come up with ways to blame yourself for everything that is going on. You tend to be a bit harsher on yourself than needed, you find fault in all the missteps that led to this moment, and you want to blame it on someone, but eventually, it all just ends up on you.

To catch a break, you watch everyone succeed, aka wasting time on YT, Vimeo, Netflix, Facebook, Instagram etc. A good distraction is always welcome, but spending time mindlessly on these aren’t helping much, but only taking life away. Mind mysteriously called these your addiction to blame you further. But understanding that everyone is addicted to something helps a bit. May be addiction isn’t as damaging as portrayed. Addiction in itself isn’t a bad thing after all the outcomes define the negativity or the positivity.

While the rut isn’t the right place to be, it’s ok to be here for a while, as long as it takes. That’s where germination takes place; something new eventually comes out. You force yourself to rediscover yourself. While the end isn’t sight, getting to the bottom of the rut is the only way to get some clarity. Being grateful to what you have, helps with all this anxiety but may not offer a solution. It can make life a bit more pleasant than the grave picture mind paints. There is no fix, there is no quick exit, but patience and hope are the virtues that will make a difference.